Salem's BEST Kept Secret: Phoenix Inn Suites Awaits!
Salem's Secret Unveiled: Phoenix Inn Suites – My Honest (and Slightly Rambling) Review
Okay, listen up, fellow travelers! I've just emerged from a stay at Salem's "BEST Kept Secret," the Phoenix Inn Suites, and I’m here to spill the tea. Forget carefully curated hotel brochures, this is the real deal, warts and all. Prepare yourselves for a rollercoaster… because honestly, some parts were a delightful ascent, and others felt more like a rickety rollercoaster with a questionable safety record.
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Accessibility: A Mixed Bag, Bless Their Hearts
Right off the bat, let's talk accessibility. The website screams "Accessible!" But… and there's always a "but," isn't there? The elevator was, thankfully, functional (whew!), so that’s a massive win. My room, supposedly accessible, was on the ground floor, which was a huge bonus for my wobbly knees. The bathroom, bless it, technically had grab bars, but they felt a little… flimsy? Let's put it that way. And the turning radius in the bathroom for a wheelchair? Let's just say I wouldn't push my luck. However, they seemed to have tried. And for that, I give them a little nod of appreciation.
Rooms: My Little Fortress (Mostly)
Alright, the room itself. Well, it was clean. REALLY clean. Like, I'm talking about the kind of clean that makes you suspect they've been using anti-viral cleaning products (and good on them!). The bed was ridiculously comfy, I sank into it like I was a marshmallow in hot chocolate. Blackout curtains? Yes! A godsend for these vampire eyes. I could sleep until noon if I wanted. Extra-long bed? Check. The non-smoking status was a major plus, I hate the smell of smoke. The air conditioner? Bless its weary little heart, it fought valiantly against the Salem summer heat. And the free Wi-Fi? Well, it worked… most of the time. But hey, free is free, right?
Internet Chaos (and the Elusive LAN)
Speaking of Wi-Fi, let’s delve into the rabbit hole of connectivity. Free Wi-Fi? Yes! In all rooms! Wonderful, in theory. In practice, it was like trying to herd cats. Some days it was lightning fast, other days – let's just say I found myself contemplating the merits of smoke signals. I saw a listing that said "Internet Access - LAN". Now, I am technologically challenged, but for some reason, LAN sounded like a ghost from the past. And where was this "LAN"? I couldn't find it. Was it real? Was it a cruel trick? Sadly, this is a mystery even I, the seasoned travel writer, couldn't decipher.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Foodie's Odyssey (Mostly for the Buffets)
I'm hungry just thinking about the food! The Phoenix Inn Suites boasts a few dining options. There's a restaurant (with both Western and Asian cuisines–a surprisingly good combination, by the way!) and a bar. I'm a sucker for a good breakfast, and the buffet was… well, it was buffet quality. But hey, there were waffles! And bacon! And that, my friends, is all that matters in the morning. The coffee shop was a lifesaver. The poolside bar? Now that's where things get interesting…
I spent an afternoon at the poolside bar, sipping a cocktail and pretending I was a glamorous movie star. The bartender, bless his heart, was running around like a chicken with its head cut off. The view from the pool was pretty damn amazing. I have to say, that's where I could finally relax and unwind.
Ways to Relax: Spa Dreams and Fitness Fiascos
Alright, now for the good stuff. The Phoenix Inn touts a spa. Now, I didn’t get to the Body Scrub. I didn't make it to the Body Wrap. But they had a sauna! And a steam room! And a pool with a view! And they had a spa. Okay, let me just focus on the sauna: As for the fitness center… let’s just say it was… compact. And the equipment looked like it had seen better days. But hey! It was there! And maybe that’s the kind of thing that I am grateful for. I had a place for a workout! And I got my gym time.
Cleanliness and Safety: A Ray of Sunshine
During these interesting times, cleanliness and safety are paramount. And the Phoenix Inn didn't disappoint. They made a conscious effort to use anti-viral cleaning products, there was hand sanitizer everywhere, and the staff seemed genuinely committed to the safety protocols. I appreciated the room sanitization between stays and the option to opt-out if you preferred. I'm even more impressed because they had a doctor/nurse on call.
For the Kids (& Families): Playing Hooky With the Kids
The hotel is family-friendly, with kid-friendly amenities (and kids meals). I saw kids splashing around in the pool. I saw a family having fun. I saw a babysitter! This place is great for families!
Getting Around: Location, Location, Location
Okay, location is key, and the Phoenix Inn Suites is in a good one. Close to everything. There is free car park on-site! Awesome! The option for airport transfer is a plus too.
The Little Annoyances (Because No Hotel is Perfect)
Okay, let's talk about the little things that made me raise an eyebrow or two. The TV remote was, shall we say, a work of art? Let's just say I accidentally changed the channel 14 times and I got a crash course on the local channel line up. But honestly, those small inconveniences don't spoil the whole picture.
The Verdict: Should You Stay?
Despite the minor quirks and imperfections, the Phoenix Inn Suites is a solid choice. The rooms are clean, the bed is incredibly comfy, the staff is friendly, and the location is perfect for exploring Salem. They try hard to make you feel comfortable, and that counts for a lot.
Ratings:
- Accessibility: 3/5 (Room for improvement, but they're trying!)
- Cleanliness & Safety: 5/5 (Spot on!)
- Room Comfort: 4.5/5 (Sink-into-the-mattress bliss.)
- Amenities: 4/5 (Pool with view? Yes, please!)
- Overall Value: 4/5 (You get a lot for your money!)
Final Thoughts:
If you're looking for a polished, flawless hotel experience, this might not be it. But if you want a comfortable, clean, and well-located hotel with a good dose of quirky charm, then the Phoenix Inn Suites is definitely worth checking out. Just don't expect perfection. Embrace the imperfections, enjoy the moments, and you'll have a fantastic stay! Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go look up the Salem Witch Trials. And maybe have another waffle.
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Okay, buckle up, buttercup. This isn't your cookie-cutter itinerary. This is a messy, emotional, caffeine-fueled journey through the heart of… well, Phoenix Inn Suites Salem. Let's see if we survive it.
Phoenix Inn Suites Salem Survival Guide: A Highly Unreliable Itinerary
Day 1: Arrival and Existential Dread (and Maybe a Pool?)
1:00 PM - Arrival at Phoenix Inn Suites. Salem, OR. Okay, the parking lot looks…adequate. And the facade? Well, it's not the Four Seasons. More like the "Two Seasons and a Half-Eaten Bagel." Honestly, I'm expecting a slight smell of chlorine and regret. Check-in? Pray for a room on the second floor. First floor rooms are…a lot closer to the vending machine, and you know I'm going to be wrestling with that thing at 3 AM.
(1:30 PM) The Room Reveal. Alright, the room. Let's be honest: I'm looking for acceptable cleanliness and a bed that doesn't scream "bed bugs." The sheets look…mostly white? Bingo. Praying the AC works – Oregon summers can be deceptively savage. Emotional reaction: Mild relief. Like, "Whew, didn't get scammed."
(2:00 PM) A Wander and a Wonder: I'm probably going to wander around the parking lot. Just…because. Then, I'll eyeball the pool. Maybe. I am a sucker for hotel pools. Even if they’re tiny and feel more like a giant bathtub. Observation: Are those… geese? Seriously? In the parking lot? This is the beginning of an adventure, I tell you!
(3:00 PM) Salem's siren call: I'm not sure what to do, I am supposed to explore Salem, but my room is so comfortable. It is also really hot outside. Maybe I should take a quick nap? Maybe grab a snack?
(5:00 PM) The Snack Quest (and the Vending Machine Battle). Okay, the chip cravings are kicking in. This is where things get real. The vending machine. The holy grail of late-night hotel snacks. Wish me luck. (Also, is that a mini-fridge, or a glorified box of sadness? TBD.)
(6:00 PM) Dinner (or Just…Food). Alright, Google maps to the rescue! I'm gonna eat somewhere. Probably something with "burgers" in the name. Or pizza. Or whatever I can find. Food is fuel, right? This is a survival guide, after all. Might as well embrace it. Emotional state: Hunger.
(7:00 PM) Evening's Entertainment. Depending on how the food and the vending machine situation went, tonight could be anything from Netflix and a coma to a frantic search for a 24-hour drugstore. Emotional reaction: Anticipation (and maybe a little fear.)
Day 2: Salem: A Mixed Bag of Adventures
- (9:00 AM) Breakfast. Hotel Breakfast. The hotel “breakfast.” I approach with caution. Free is good, but free often equals rubbery eggs and questionable sausage. I'll be armed. Armed with expectations low enough to crawl under a limbo stick. Emotional reaction: Cautious optimism and the promise of a good cup of coffee. * Anecdote: Once, at a hotel breakfast, I saw a guy wear a full tuxedo and eat a bagel. That's the level of chaos I'm willing to accept for free food. I'm hoping for at least a slightly above-average experience.
- (9:30 AM) Salem's Call Part 2: Okay, I have to do something in Salem. I'm thinking… Willamette Heritage Center? Or maybe a park? I do enjoy a good park. Especially if it has ducks.
- (1:00 PM) Lunch That Could Be Better. Lunch. Find a place. Grab a meal. Try and enjoy it.
- (4:00 PM) The Deep Dive Into History. Okay, hear me out. If I end up at the Willamette Heritage Center, I'm fully expecting to get sucked in. You know how it is. One minute, you're looking at a display on pioneer life, the next, you're researching your entire family tree and planning a trip to the Oregon Trail Museum. This is the gamble I'm willing to take. I'm also bringing a notebook. Just in case. The emotional reaction: A slight fear of boredom followed by absolute engrossment.
- (6:00 PM) Dinner and the Aftermath. Dinner? More food. Possibly the same place from the day before, because I didn't want to wander around.
- (8:00 PM) Late Night. Or, You Know, TV and an Existential Moment. Bed? I am already tired thinking about it. Maybe watch TV? Is there anything on?
Day 3: Departure and Existential Reflection
- (9:00 AM) Hotel Breakfast - The Sequel. Another chance for rubbery eggs. Another chance to find something to eat.
- (10:00 AM) Check Out. Ah, freedom. And the end of the tiny, questionable bottles of shampoo. Emotional reaction: A mix of relief and a vague feeling of…emptiness. Were there geese in real life or just in my mind?
- (10:30 AM) The Drive. The drive ahead of me. I'll roll the windows down, listen to my music, and hope the existential dread doesn't hit too hard.
- (12:00 PM) The Big Question. I am thinking: Did I enjoy my stay here? Did I make the most out of my trip. Probably not. But hey, I survived. And that's something.
- (1:00 PM) Home. Time to go home and to think about everything.
Important Disclaimer: This itinerary is a suggestion. It's a guideline. It is not, under any circumstances, a guarantee of a fun or productive time. Reality may (and likely will) differ wildly. Embrace the chaos. And be sure to pack extra snacks. You'll need them.
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Okay, Okay, Alright... Phoenix Inn Suites: Salem's *Best* Kept Secret? Let's Unpack This MESS!
Seriously, what's the *actual* secret? Everyone says "Best Kept," but... what *is* it? And is it REALLY even a secret anymore?
Ugh, the "best kept secret" thing is so overused, right? But... with Phoenix Inn? Okay, *maybe* it applies. Basically, it's this: you get way more than you expect for the price. I mean, Salem's tourist trap central, you KNOW you're gonna pay a small fortune for *anything* remotely decent. But the Phoenix Inn Suites? It's like they forgot to jack up their rates to match the hysteria. Free breakfast (and it's actually GOOD, not just stale muffins!), comfy beds, decent sized rooms. The *secret* is... value. And maybe, just maybe, it's still a secret because... well, *I* haven't told EVERYONE. š
Breakfast... okay, so the breakfast. Let's get real. Is this a total sausage party of sad scrambled eggs, or is there hope?
Alright, the breakfast situation. Look, I'm a breakfast snob. I need my carbs, my protein, ideally some fruit that *isn't* bruised. And I was SO prepared to be disappointed. But... it's actually pretty good! They usually have scrambled eggs (sometimes a little… well, *hotel-ish*, let's be honest), but they also have the waffle maker, which is a total game-changer. And a *decent* selection of fruit, and even, sometimes, little yogurts! *shudders thinking about other hotels* The coffee? Yeah, it’s hotel coffee, so don’t set your hopes too high, but it’s caffeinated, which is the crucial part. Honestly? For FREE? I'll take it. I once saw a guy there making, like, FIVE waffles at once. I judged him *slightly*, but mostly just admired his commitment.
So, the rooms. Tell me *everything*. Are we talking cramped, musty, and dated, or?
Okay, the rooms. This is where it gets… variable. They're not the *latest* in modern design, you know? They’re not trying to be the W Hotel or something. But, they’re clean. And surprisingly spacious! I’ve stayed in hotel rooms in Salem where I could practically touch both walls at the same time. These? You can *actually* move around. The beds are comfy, which is a huge win, especially after a long day of witchy adventures. The bathrooms... well, they're functional. Nothing to write home about, but the water runs hot, which is all you really want, isn't it? And I once stayed there and the cleaning staff had left a little origami swan on the bed, I swear, it's those little touches that can make all the difference, right?
Location, Location, Location! How far from the spooky good stuff are we talking? Walking distance, uber hell, what's the deal?
The location is… pretty solid! Okay, it's not *right* in the heart of the absolute chaos. It's a bit further out, which… *sigh*… actually, is a good thing. It's far enough away that you *might* get some sleep, but close enough that you can easily walk (or take a very short Uber) to all the main attractions. Like, the Witch History Museum, the cemeteries, the Salem Witch Museum… it's all manageable. It’s not like you're trekking across town in the rain with a bunch of shopping bags and a hangover, y’know? Which, believe me, I've done. More than once... It's a good balance, a nice buffer zone.
Parking! Parking in Salem is a nightmare. Will I lose my mind or will I be able to park my car without wanting to scream?
Okay. Parking. This is a biggie. Salem parking is a special circle of hell. Seriously. But... Phoenix Inn Suites has free parking! YES! FREE! And it's a decent size, so, barring some freak event where every single person in Salem decides to stay at the Phoenix Inn at the exact same time, you should be able to find a spot. This is a HUGE, HUGE plus. HUGE. It saves you a mountain of stress and a small fortune in parking fees. Trust me, this alone is a reason to book it. I almost cried tears of joy the first time I didn't have to circle the block for an hour.
Let's Talk Staff. Are they friendly? Helpful? Or do they seem like they’d rather be anywhere else?
The staff! Okay, so… I have *two* experiences here. The first time, it was the lovely receptionist, and let me tell you, she was the epitome of helpful. She got me a map of Salem, gave me some recommendations for dinner(that was spot on), and generally seemed genuinely happy to be there, which is a rarity in the hospitality industry, let me tell you! The second time? Let's just say there was a *definite* language barrier, and getting extra towels was a Herculean effort. But hey, it’s not a deal-breaker. Overall, the staff has been friendly and helpful in general (with that one exception) and THAT kind of stuff can make or break an experience, really. We're only human, right?
Okay, but what about the *vibe*? Is it all family-friendly and squeaky clean, or is there a bit of character? š»
Okay, "vibe." This is where things get a little… well, *hotel-ish* in a "classic" sort of way. It's not exactly a trendy boutique hotel, if that's is what you are looking for. There were definitely families there, couples, and, yes, a few solo witches (possibly me). Overall, it's clean, safe, and comfortable. It's not trying to be artsy or edgy. It’s a place to rest your head, and that is perfectly fine by me. I’m not looking for "vibe" from my motel; I’m looking for functionality and convenience! Although… I did see a painting in the lobby that I *swear* looked like a grumpy cat with a witch hat. That was kind of fun.
Okay, let's get personal. *One* time you went. One HUGE memory that you still chuckle about? Tell it.
Alright, get ready for a doozy. So, the first time I stayed at the Phoenix Inn, I was with a friend. We'd been walking around all day, soaking up the Salem vibes, and we were *exhausted*. We getBook Hotels Now
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