Escape to Kenner: Unbeatable Holiday Inn Express Near NOLA Airport!
My Chaotic Love Letter to [Hotel Name]: A Review That's Probably Too Long (But Hopefully Worth It)
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because reviewing [Hotel Name] is like trying to wrangle a herd of particularly opinionated cats. It's a rollercoaster of bliss, slight annoyance, and the occasional, "Wait, did I just accidentally order soup for breakfast?" But hey, that's life, right? And this hotel? It's definitely life.
Metadata & SEO-tastic Rundown (Don't Judge Me, It's My Job!)
- Keywords: Hotel Review, [Hotel Name], Accessibility, Wheelchair Accessible, Free Wi-Fi, Spa, Swimming Pool, Restaurant, Fitness Center, [City Name] Hotels, Family-Friendly Hotel, COVID-19 Safety, Cleanliness, Best Hotel [City Name], Luxury Hotel.
- Title: [Hotel Name] Review: A Messy, Honest (and Maybe Overly Enthusiastic) Look
- Description: My in-depth review of [Hotel Name], covering EVERYTHING from accessibility & free Wi-Fi to those killer spa treatments and questionable breakfast soup choices. Prepare yourself for a wild ride!
Accessibility: A Solid Start, but Some Room for Improvement…
Alright, let's get the practical stuff out of the way. Accessibility is important, and [Hotel Name] does a decent job. Wheelchair accessibility is, for the most part, present. I saw ramps, elevators, and adapted rooms. Now, I'm walking and able-bodied myself, so I can't personally test the experience. But from what I observed, the hotel seems to genuinely consider this. Things like the elevator being easily accessible, facilities for disabled guests listed in their services, and the overall layout of the public spaces is pretty spacious. (But I'll address my actual experience later on)
On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: I did notice that their restaurants and bar had fairly wide aisles and accessible seating options, though I couldn't fully scrutinize the entrance of the smaller spaces like lounges, so this might need some further assessment.
Internet Access (Free Wi-Fi: A Blessing & a Curse)
Okay, let's be real. Free Wi-Fi is like sunshine on a rainy day. And at [Hotel Name], they shout it from the rooftops: "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" And yes, it's true. You've got Internet access – wireless and Internet access – LAN, which is… interesting. Who even uses LAN cables anymore? (Me, sometimes, when I'm feeling nostalgic. Don't judge.) The Wi-Fi in the rooms was generally solid, but in the public areas… well, let's just say I had a few moments of frantic refreshing. I once stood in the lobby, practically willing the Wi-Fi gods to work, while desperately trying to upload an Instagram story of my absurdly large (and delicious) breakfast. So, maybe not consistently blazing fast, but free is free, and that's what counts, right?
Things to Do (And How to Relax!)
Oh, the things you can do! This is where [Hotel Name] really shines. It's like they threw everything at the wall and hoped it would stick (and it mostly did!).
- Spa Time! This deserves its own chapter with some of the things I experienced. I mean, a Body scrub, a Body wrap, a massage, Spa, Sauna, and Steamroom, were all calling my name
- I booked a massage and for the first half of the massage I had the best time. The masseuse was awesome, but a nearby couple chatting and laughing for most of the session was a major distraction. I thought about asking them to keep it down, but… awkward. I ultimately closed my eyes and pretended I was on a deserted island. The foot bath was also lovely, and I actually feel asleep for a while. I guess its safe to assume they are well trained in the spa area.
- Fitness Center: The Gym/fitness center was surprisingly well-equipped. Treadmills, weights, everything you could possibly want. I intended to go every day. I made it once. I'm not proud.
- Swimming Pool: Yes, plural. A Swimming pool (outdoor) and a Pool with view. Both stunning. I spent a shameful amount of time lounging by the pool, sipping cocktails, and judging the other guests' swimwear. Don't @-me.
Cleanliness and Safety: A COVID-19 Era Tale
Listen, safety is paramount these days. And [Hotel Name] takes it seriously.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Check.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Definitely observed this.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere. It felt like a constant, comforting presence.
- The hotel really made an effort with Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, and Safe dining setup.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Yep, they were on it.
- Rooms sanitized between stays, and the Room sanitization opt-out available. I appreciated this level of care. I even noticed the Sterilizing equipment and Professional-grade sanitizing services.
The Hygiene certification they have given me some peace of mind, along with Individually-wrapped food options.
They even had the option to have Breakfast in room.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: An Adventure for Your Taste Buds (and Your Wallet!)
Okay, the food. Where do I begin?
- Restaurants: Plural! They have Restaurants, including a Vegetarian restaurant (which I loved!), a Coffee shop, and a Poolside bar (must-visit).
- Breakfast: Breakfast [buffet] was a glorious mess. Seriously, it was a beautiful, delicious, slightly chaotic mess. Asian breakfast, Western breakfast, you name it, they probably had it. I may or may not have eaten my weight in pastries one morning. I did notice that they offered Breakfast takeaway service which is useful.
- Lunch/Dinner: They offer A la carte in restaurant, there is Alternative meal arrangement and some Asian cuisine in restaurant and of course International cuisine in restaurant, the food was generally excellent. I had Salad in restaurant and some Soup in restaurant plus a Desserts in restaurant.
- Room Service: Room service [24-hour]. Need I say more? Pizza at 3 AM? Yes, please. And the Bottle of water was always appreciated.
- Bar: The Bar served up some amazing cocktails, and they even had a Happy hour.
- Snack bar: Convenient for quick bites.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter
[Hotel Name] understands the value of little luxuries.
- Concierge: Helpful and friendly. They pretty much rescued me when I got hopelessly lost trying to find the… well, let's just say I got lost.
- Daily housekeeping: My room was always spotless, and the staff was incredibly friendly.
- The Elevator were really convenient.
- Facilities for disabled guests.
- Food delivery options. Always a plus.
- Gift/souvenir shop. I scored some adorable trinkets, and some emergency essential condiments.
- Laundry service was a lifesaver.
- Luggage storage was handy.
- Safety deposit boxes.
- Smoking area.
- Air conditioning in public area and Air conditioning in all rooms were a necessity
- I used the Dry cleaning and Ironing service once.
For the Kids: Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, and Kids meal were available.
Available in all rooms:
- Air conditioning
- Alarm clock
- Bathrobes
- Bathtub
- Blackout curtains
- Carpeting
- Closet
- Coffee/tea maker
- Complimentary tea
- Desk
- Extra long bed
- Free bottled water
- Hair dryer
- High floor
- In-room safe box
- Interconnecting room(s) available
- Ironing facilities
- Laptop workspace
- Linens
- Mini bar
- Mirror
- Non-smoking
- On-demand movies
- Private bathroom
- Reading light
- Refrigerator
- Satellite/cable channels
- Scale
- Seating area
- Separate shower/bathtub
- Shower
- Slippers
- Smoke detector
- Socket near the bed
- Sofa
- Soundproofing
- Telephone
- Toiletries
- Towels
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into a slightly-less-than-perfect trip to the Holiday Inn Express Kenner – right by the New Orleans airport! And trust me, this ain't your grandma's meticulously planned itinerary. This is… well, this.
Day 1: Arrival, Reality Bites, and Questionable Pizza
- 1:00 PM (ish): Touchdown in New Orleans! Whee! Though let's be honest, after the flight, I’m already questioning all my life choices. Especially the ones that led me to wear these shoes. They're pretty, sure, but my feet are screaming. Thank God the hotel is practically in the airport's shadow. Score! (Side note: Is it just me, or does airport air always smell like desperation and overpriced coffee?)
- 1:30 PM - 2:00 PM: Check-in at the Holiday Inn Express. Okay, so the lobby is… standard. Clean, but with that generic hotel art that seems to exist solely to fill wall space. The front desk guy, bless his heart, looked like he'd seen a hurricane of tourists already that day. He was friendly enough, though. And hey, free cookies! Small victories, people, small victories.
- 2:30 PM: Room reveal! Honestly, it was fine. Perfectly functional. Clean enough. The air conditioning kicked in like a champ, which was a major win given the Louisiana humidity. My first thought? "Thank God for a working toilet." (I've stayed in some places, okay? Let's just say, I pack extra toilet paper now. Always.)
- 3:00 PM: Nap time! Jet lag is a beast. And the bed? Surprisingly comfy. I'm pretty sure I dreamt of fluffy clouds and unlimited room service.
- 5:00 PM: Disaster strikes. Dinner! No, seriously, where do you even get good food in Kenner on a Sunday? I ended up stumbling across a pizza place a few blocks away that I wouldn't write home about, but also wouldn't write a strongly worded letter to the city council about. It was pizza. Edible. I ate the whole thing. Don't judge.
- 7:00 PM: Stumble back to the hotel, utterly exhausted. The sheer effort of picking the least-bad pizza restaurant had depleted my energy reserves. Watched some terrible TV – a crime show with even worse acting. Embraced the mediocrity.
Day 2: A Day of Errands, Regretful Exercise, and Airport Adjacent Adventures
- 7:00 AM: Wake up. Honestly? I feel like I've been run over by a bus. But breakfast is included! Free eggs and sausage! (The eggs, bless their little yolks, weren't great, but free is free; I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth)
- 8:00 AM: Needed to pick up a few supplies (Sunscreen, gum, more gum for that awful plane breath) So I trudged over to the nearest CVS (which, let's be honest, is probably a 15-minute walk in the Louisiana heat)
- 9:30 AM: Decided I should probably work out. They have a fitness center! It's tiny, but functional. Spent 20 minutes wishing I hadn't eaten that entire pizza last night. The treadmill was…okay. Suffice it to say, I won't be signing up for the Olympics anytime soon.
- 10:30 AM: Back to the room. Shower! Ah, the simple joys of clean water and decent water pressure. Felt human again. Briefly.
- 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Attempted to plan my actual New Orleans itinerary. Got overwhelmed. Gave up. Started scrolling through TikTok. The eternal struggle.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch at… you guessed it, a nearby chain restaurant. It wasn't terrible, but I had to ask for extra hot sauce just to make it somewhat exciting. My taste buds are officially rebelling.
- 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Decided to explore the airport (even though I wasn't leaving). People-watching is always a good time in an airport. Saw a woman in full sequins, a guy sleeping on a bench with his passport open, and a small child who looked about as happy as I felt at the prospect of eating another sad chicken tender. (The airport's far more interesting than I expected tbh).
- 4:00 PM: Pool time! The hotel pool was actually pretty decent! Managed to get a few laps in before the sun decided to wage war on my fair skin.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner. Okay, I'm officially tired of chain restaurants. Ordered Uber Eats and had food (and an exorbitant delivery fee) sent straight to my room. Regretted my life choices while eating. Ate the leftovers, felt no remorse.
Day 3: Departure, Reflections, and The Unresolved Pizza Mystery
- 7:00 AM: The final free breakfast. Ate a waffle. It tasted like sadness but was, at least, warm and slightly crispy.
- 8:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Packing. Attempted to squeeze everything back into my suitcase without exploding. (Success! Mostly.)
- 10:30 AM: Check out. Said goodbye to the friendly front desk staff, and decided to go get a coffee. Asked the front desk for a recommendation, and he mentioned a place with really great pizza.
- 11:00 AM Got coffee.
- 11:30 AM: Said goodbye to Kenner, Louisiana! (The pizza mystery remains unsolved! Seriously, where's the GOOD PIZZA?)
Quirky Observations and Rambles:
- The constant hum of the air conditioning in the hotel room became strangely comforting. Like a white noise machine of mediocrity.
- I swear, the humidity in Louisiana is alive. It hugs you. It whispers sweet nothings in your ear. It may or may not be plotting to steal your hair.
- The people-watching at the airport was, without a doubt, the highlight of the trip. So many stories! So much humanity! And so many questionable fashion choices.
- I’m pretty sure the hotel elevator was haunted. Slightly.
- This was not the most glamorous trip, but it was real. Imperfect. Slightly messy. And full of those tiny, ridiculous moments that make life worth living. Plus, I have a newfound appreciation for free breakfast.
- I still don't have good pizza.
- I'll be back in New Orleans. Probably not in Kenner. But I'll be back.
There you have it. My totally honest, slightly chaotic, and definitely not-sponsored-in-any-way account of a trip to the Holiday Inn Express. It's not a travel guide, it's a confession. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Now if you'll excuse me, I’m going to track down some decent pizza. Wish me luck.
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So, what *is* this...thing? Like, what are we talking about?
Alright, *fine*. We're talking about… well, let’s just say it’s…the *journey*. You know, the one where you think you're going to get a nice, tidy "A to B" result, and you end up face-planting in a pile of unexpected compost? This whole thing is about the *stuff* that happens along the way. The good, the bad, the utterly bizarre. It might involve (deep breath)… (I’m still not even sure how to describe it without sounding like a self-help guru on too much coffee) …personal growth, maybe? Finding your tribe? Avoiding social media meltdowns? I'm not promising anything, except maybe a few eye-rolls and a whole lot of "me too" moments. Honestly, sometimes it just feels like... existing.
Who the heck are *you*? Why should I even listen?
Oh honey, you shouldn't. Really! I'm just a person, like you. Seriously flawed. I spill coffee, I forget my phone, and I once spent an hour trying to open a jar of pickles with a spork (don't ask). My expertise? Screwing things up and then, maybe... *maybe*... learning something from it. I am a walking, talking, typo-ridden testament to the human condition. So, why listen? Because misery loves company, and maybe, just *maybe*, you'll feel a little less alone in the utter chaos of life. Also, if you’re looking for perfection, you’re in the wrong place. I’m pretty sure my life is powered by caffeine and the sheer force of will. And a healthy dose of delusion.
Okay, okay… what's the *point* of all this? Why is this even *happening*?
Look, I have no idea! The point, the *purpose*... it's a moving target, always shifting, always elusive. One day I think I'm *this*, the next day I'm *that*. It’s like chasing smoke. If I *had* a grand overarching goal, a perfect plan, the universe would probably laugh in my face. And honestly? That's probably what I'd do too. The universe *loves* a good laugh. Maybe the point is to just... *be*. To bumble through, to make mistakes, to pick yourself up after you fall, and to maybe, *maybe*, find a little bit of joy in the utterly ridiculous absurdity of it all. Or, maybe, it's just an elaborate excuse for me to complain about the price of avocados. I'm leaning toward the latter, honestly.
What about *failure*? What if I mess up?
Oh, honey, you *will* mess up. Guaranteed. Failure isn't just an option, it's a prerequisite! I could write a whole book, no, a *series* of books, filled with my most spectacular failures. Remember that time I tried to bake a cake for my aunt's birthday and ended up with something that resembled a volcanic eruption? (The smoke alarm agrees, still traumatized). Or the time I tried to learn how to ride a bike...at age 35? The scrapes! The bruises! The sheer, unadulterated humiliation!... But you know what? Those failures are *gold*. They're the stories you tell at parties (or in therapy!). They're how you *learn*. Embrace the mess-ups. They're way more interesting than the perfect Pinterest-worthy successes anyway. Trust me on this one.
What if I'm just... *stuck*? Like, frozen?
Oh, I *get* stuck. Oh, do I *get* stuck. The mental quicksand, the feeling of being unable to move? Yeah, been there, got the t-shirt (actually, I've got a whole drawer full of "I Tried and Failed" t-shirts). When I'm stuck, it's usually because I'm overthinking, or because I'm terrified of making the "wrong" choice. One recent example? Choosing what coffee I want to drink which turned into a 20-minute existential crisis. What works for me? Small steps. Tiny, baby steps. One foot in front of the other. And sometimes, just giving yourself permission to *not* be productive for a while. Let the feelings come, you know? Maybe go for a walk, eat some ice cream (chocolate, always chocolate), scream into a pillow – whatever helps release the pressure. There’s no magic formula, sadly. Just keep moving, darling. *Eventually* you'll unstick yourself. Maybe.
How do I... you know... *find my passion*? (Ugh, that word)
*Passion*. Ugh. It sounds so… *dramatic*, doesn't it? Like you're supposed to have some blazing, fiery desire that consumes your every waking thought. Honestly? That's exhausting! My "passions" ebb and flow like the tide. Sometimes I'm obsessed with gardening, other times it's true crime podcasts, and sometimes it is finding out why the cat is attacking my ankles. The secret? *Try things*. Experiment. Fail spectacularly. See what sticks. Don't put so much pressure on yourself to "find" it. Let it find *you*. And if all you want to do is sit on the couch and watch Netflix for a week, that's okay too. Seriously. Sometimes that's the *most* passionate thing you can do. Just...don't let it become a permanent state, haha... unless that's your *passion*
What if I'm just… not okay? And I don't know what to do?
Oh honey. This is a big, messy, complicated question. And the truth is, sometimes? You're *not* going to be okay. And that's... okay. It's so frustrating, I know. But the biggest thing I have learned is that it is okay to feel the things. It is okay to cry. It is okay to scream. It is okay to just, fall apart. *When* you are not okay? Please. The most important thing you can do is to try to talk about things. Please tell a friend, a family member, a therapist, anyone. Be honest about how you are feeling. And if you are feeling truly lost? Seek help. Not sure where to start? Google "mental health resources in [your area]". Honestly, it can be a total jungle out there finding the right person sometimes. But do not, under any circumstances, think you are alone. There are so many people out there who can and will help you get through this. And you will. I promise. It gets better.
What if the world feels like it's on fire?
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Holiday Inn Express Kenner New Orleans Airport By IHG Kenner (LA) United States
Holiday Inn Express Kenner New Orleans Airport By IHG Kenner (LA) United States
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