Unbelievable Malone, NY Getaway: Red Roof PLUS+ & Suites Awaits!
Unbelievable Malone, NY Getaway: Red Roof PLUS+ & Suites… Let's See If It's Really PLUS+! (Honest Review – Buckle Up!)
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because I just got back from a trip to Malone, New York, and the Red Roof PLUS+ & Suites. And let me tell you, after a long drive and an even longer week, my expectations were… well, let’s just say they were manageable. I'm here to give you the real deal, the good, the bad, and the utterly confusing, because that's the only way to experience a hotel, right? And maybe, just maybe, you’ll get a good laugh out of it.
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- Meta Description: Unfiltered review of Red Roof PLUS+ & Suites in Malone, NY! Accessibility, cleanliness, dining, and amenities – the good, the bad, and the hilariously awkward! Get the real scoop before you book!
The Arrival & the "PLUS+” Factor (Or Lack Thereof):
First impressions. Always important. The exterior? Clean enough, I guess. It's a Red Roof, so let's not expect the Ritz. The signage did promise "PLUS+," which fueled some… optimism. Did I find the "PLUS+"? We'll get to that.
Accessibility – A mixed bag, really…
- Wheelchair Accessible? Yes! They've got it. Ramp access, elevators, and the room? Pretty spacious. I felt like I could breathe which is a HUGE win.
- Facilities for Disabled Guests: Tick. They ticked that box. Good job, Red Roof.
- Getting Around: Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Parking was ample (car park [free of charge] is a sweet bonus!), and I didn’t feel like I was constantly dodging obstacles. (You know, the little things…)
Cleanliness & Safety - Did they really clean?
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Okay, I didn’t see them necessarily, but the place felt clean.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: I'm going to assume this happened. I didn't personally witness a hazmat suit, but I didn’t see anything grimy, either.
- Rooms sanitized between stays… I really hope! I mean, for the price, it better be! I did notice the little "We have cleaned!" stickers on the door which is always reassuring.
- Hand sanitizer everywhere? Check.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Seemed like it. Everyone was wearing masks, which is, you know, a bare minimum these days.
- CCTV in common areas & outside property: Yep. Watching out for us all (and maybe keeping an eye on the… enthusiastic party that was going on in the room next door).
- Fire extinguisher, Smoke alarms & Smoke detectors: Always a good sign!
- First aid kit: Well, I didn't need it. Praise be!
The Room: My Humble Abode for a Few Glorious Nights
Okay, so the room. "Available in all rooms" is a good start and the key ones:
- Air conditioning? Blessedly so. We were in the kind of heat that was turning my brain into a puddle.
- Air conditioning in public area? Yes! And it was doing its job really well.
- Blackout curtains? Yes. Praise be for the blackout curtains! Slept like a log. Finally!
- Coffee/tea maker? Yes, thank goodness. Essential to my very survival.
- Refrigerator? Check. Gotta keep that beer cold.
- Free bottled water? Bonus!
- Wi-Fi [free]? Absolutely! And it worked! (Important!).
- Desk Yes! Enough to get work done, though I ended up lounging on the bed anyway.
- TV with Satellite/cable channels: Worked. I only turned it on a few times.
- Soundproofing?? Well, that's where things got… interesting. The noise from the hallway… well, let's just say my appreciation for soundproofing went way up.
- The bed It was acceptable. Comfortable enough!
- Bathrobes? Sadly, no. This is not the Ritz. Moving on…
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – Fueling the Adventure
- Restaurants & Food: There's not much to brag about. It's not a food-destination.
- Breakfast? Limited options. They had a buffet, but a smaller one!
- Coffee shop/ Snack bar. Well, I didn’t see a coffee shop but there were vending machines.
- Room service [24-hour]? Nope. I think I could have lived without it!
- Poolside bar & Happy hour, etc.: Nope.
- The Verdict: Don't visit this place for the food. There are better places to eat in the area.
Things to do, Ways to Relax, and Let's Get Real About the "Spa"…
- Swimming pool [outdoor]? Yes! A lovely, refreshing pool. It didn't have a "view" but who cares.
- Fitness center, Spa, Sauna, Spa/sauna, Jacuzzi, steamroom, etc.: Nope. "PLUS+" didn't extend to these.
- Ways to relax? Relax in the clean room, or take a dip in the pool.
Services and Conveniences – The Little Things Matter… Sometimes
- Internet Services: Check. They had them.
- Cash withdrawal? Yes.
- Concierge? Didn’t need one.
- Convenience store: Nope.
- Dry cleaning, Laundry service, Ironing service?: Nope.
- Luggage storage: Yep, they have it.
- Daily housekeeping: Yes. They kept it clean!
- Front desk [24-hour]? Got it.
- Check-in/out [express]? I don’t think so… (I do love a fast check-in).
Family/Child Friendly?
- Family/child friendly: Yup. Kids running around, screaming, swimming, etc. Fine by me.
- Babysitting service? Nope.
The Quirks & The Oddities (Because No Hotel is Perfect)
- The People: Everyone was polite. The staff were nice. The other guests? Varied. Let's leave it at that.
- The Elevator: It was fine, slow, but fine.
- The Parking: Easy!
Emotional Verdict – Would I Go Back?
Okay, for the price, the Red Roof PLUS+ & Suites in Malone? It's decent. It's clean. It's accessible. It's nothing fancy, but it's functional. The "PLUS+" felt a bit… stretched. But you know what? It served its purpose. I slept, I swam, I survived. And sometimes, that's all you really need. Maybe.
Final Score: 3.5 out of 5 Stars (Probably a bit generous!)
Would I recommend it? If you're looking for a budget-friendly, clean, accessible place to crash in Malone, then yeah. It's a decent option. Just don’t expect the Ritz. Or maybe, just expect to have a laugh. Either way, enjoy your trip!
Fort Lauderdale's BEST Extended Stay? Cypress Creek Suites REVEALED!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're about to embark on a trip to the… drumroll … Red Roof PLUS+ & Suites Malone, NY. I know, I know, it's not the Amalfi Coast. But hey, sometimes you're just there, you know? And sometimes you just need a clean-ish bed and a questionable continental breakfast to call your own for a few days. Here goes the messy, real, and completely un-curated itinerary:
Day 1: Arrival and "Malone, Really?" Mood
1:00 PM: Arrive at Red Roof. Okay, so first impressions? The outside looks… well, it looks like a Red Roof. You know. Standard issue. The lady at the front desk, bless her heart, seems like she's seen some things. Like, a lot of things. Check-in is smooth enough, considering she's balancing a phone call, a screaming toddler, and probably a rogue pack of gum someone left behind.
1:30 PM: Settle into the room. It’s… cleanish. I spot a questionable stain on the carpet - not thrilled. Quickly shove my bag to the corner, hoping to avoid staring at it. The AC unit sounds like a dying walrus. Oh well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? I try to put on the positive mindset.
2:00 PM: Mandatory trip to the gas station across the street. Gotta grab snacks, you know? Road trip essentials. The cashier has a name tag that says “Brenda,” which makes me feel like I should probably be calling her Aunt Brenda and asking for a hug. I buy gummy worms and a questionable energy drink. It might be the best decision I made all day.
3:00 PM: Decide I need a desperate dose of culture because my soul is slowly withering. Find a place that’s a local landmark, for a bite to eat. I order the special. The waitress is a sweet lady with a smile. The food? Let's just say I've tasted better, but at least it filled up my tummy.
4:00 PM: Stare at my phone screen, and then stare out the window for a while, pondering the meaning of life. This is probably the highlight of my trip so far.
6:00 PM: Back at the room. Realize the TV only has three channels that are watchable. Sigh dramatically. Spend too much time trying to figure out the remote. Fail. Watch a documentary. It's about penguins. I'm now very well-versed in penguin mating rituals. I'm not sure how I feel about this.
8:00 PM: Attempt to hit the fitness center. The website said there was one. But, just my luck, it's locked. I'm pretty sure I can now say with all certainty, I've officially failed at staying healthy.
9:00 PM: Stare at the ceiling. Wonder when the walrus-AC-unit will die. Order pizza. This is the real reason I came on this trip, right?
10:00 PM: Fall asleep, dreaming of penguins and… well, pizza. This is the life.
Day 2: Malone's "Jewels" and Questionable Entertainment
8:00 AM: Wake up to the sound of the walrus unit and the distant honking of a very persistent car horn. Contemplate life choices. Decide to tackle the continental breakfast. The coffee is… well, it’s coffee. It gets the job done, kind of. The "fresh" pastries look less than fresh. I stick to the stale cereal. Victory.
9:00 AM: Decide I need a dose of local color. Attempt to visit the Franklin County Historical and Museum Society. Success! After a bit of aimless wandering, I stumble upon a truly weird collection of artifacts. There are old farm tools, taxidermied animals with slightly vacant eyes, and more than a few items that I am pretty sure pre-date my grandparents. I feel compelled to go back home and research some of these things. Now there is a goal!
11:00 AM: Explore the town a little bit, looking for something… anything. The main street is… calm. Decided to stop by a local diner for a burger. I also try the onion rings, but they are way too salty. I ask the waitress to tell the chef, and she says I'm the first person to ever say anything like that. Good.
2:00 PM: Back at the hotel room, because, well… what else is there to do? I'm starting to develop a deep and abiding affection for the Red Roof. It's like a slightly sad, but kind of endearing, old friend.
3:00 PM: Decide to hit up the pool. Nope. Closed. The brochure lied. I'm sure I'll find some sort of entertainment, that much is for sure.
4:00 PM: Take a stroll around the premise. I notice a lot of squirrels. They seem to be mocking me with their abundant energy. Rude.
6:00 PM: Find a local bar, I decide to unwind a bit. The bartender is a quirky, friendly guy who looks like he knows all the local secrets. I order a beer, and end up chatting with a couple of guys about local politics and the surprisingly good fishing in the area. I learn that I'm a bad dancer.
8:00 PM: Back to the room. The walrus is louder than ever. Start pondering whether I should take a shower. I'm starting to forget what my own skin feels like. No good options. I can't decide.
9:00 PM: Order another pizza. It's a different pizza place this time. This one is mediocre. I'm starting to think all the pizza places in this town serve mediocre pizza.
10:00 PM: Stare at ceiling. Contemplate if I should extend my stay another day. I don't know why, but I'm starting to feel like I have a connection with this town.
Day 3: Departure and a Sudden Sense of… Something
8:00 AM: Continental breakfast again. This time I try to figure out if there is any other kind of food besides stale cereal and coffee. I give up. I just take a coffee and try to ignore my hunger.
9:00 AM: Check out. Say goodbye to the front desk lady, who, surprisingly, remembers me. She asks if I enjoyed myself. I tell her I did. I lied.
9:30 AM: Okay, time to hit the road. But… a strange thing happens as I drive past the Red Roof. I get a weird pang. It’s a mix of relief (goodbye, walrus-AC!), but also… a touch of sadness? I realize I didn’t exactly love Malone or the Red Roof, but maybe… maybe I needed this messy, imperfect little getaway. I needed the quiet. I think it's the end of the road.
10:00 AM: Drive away towards home, humming a made-up song about penguins, pizza, and the strange beauty of the mundane. I don't think I'll come back anytime soon, but I can't help but feel like I kinda miss it already.
Is Malone, NY, actually… *unbelievable*? Like, actually?
Alright, so let's address the elephant in the room, the big promise in the title. "Unbelievable"? Malone, NY? Look, it's not exactly Monaco. Think less James Bond, more… well, let's say the charming aunt who always brings a slightly-stale Tupperware container of cookies. BUT! "Unbelievable" in the sense of, you know, "you won't believe how many gas stations there are" or "you won't believe the price of that motel room compared to the sheer magnitude of the… *experience*." Embrace the under-promise, over-deliver (or maybe, under-deliver then slightly surprise) vibes. It's got character! And by character, I mean… it's seen some things.
Okay, fine. But the Red Roof PLUS+ & Suites… REALLY? Is it… clean?
Clean. That's the golden question, isn't it? It’s a gamble, folks. Okay, let's be honest: it's the kind of clean where you do a pre-emptive wipe-down of EVERYTHING. But listen: sometimes the “cleanliness” of a place is more about your own expectations, right? I went in expecting the worst (because, let's be real, it's Red Roof. Plus. In Malone. Expectations should be… adjusted). And sometimes... sometimes you actually win. I'm not saying it's the Ritz-Carlton of Malone, mind you. But it *was* clean enough that my germaphobe tendencies didn't send me into a full-blown panic attack. Mostly. You know, bring the Clorox wipes. Always. Just… bring them.
What’s the deal with the "PLUS+" part? Does it actually offer anything… extra?
Ooh, the PLUS+. The mysterious suffix! Honestly? Sometimes the PLUS+ is just a slightly bigger TV or maybe, JUST MAYBE, a slightly less terrifying picture on the hallway wall. The real PLUS+ is the… the *promise* of something better. The *potential* for a slightly less depressing experience. Listen, I stayed in one room where the PLUS+ seemed to mean "slightly less stained carpet." Which, in the grand scheme of things, is a win! But don't go expecting a jacuzzi suite or a butler. Manage your expectations. Embrace the… subtle upgrades.
The suites… any good? Are they worth the extra shekels?
Okay, the Suites. *That's* where the magic – or, you know, a slightly larger, more functional space – *might* happen! I've had mixed experiences with the suites. One time, I got a suite with a tiny kitchenette, which was AMAZING because I could make my own breakfast and avoid the possibly-questionable continental offering (more on that later). Another time… let's just say the "separate living area" was more of a "slightly shifted-over couch." So: Depends! If you can spring for it, it's worth a roll of the dice. Just, again, adjust expectations. And maybe bring your own skillet if you’re really committed to that kitchenette dream.
Tell me about the breakfast. Because hotel breakfasts are always the stuff of legend.
Ah, the breakfast. This is where things potentially… get messy. Look, I'll be honest. The breakfast at Red Roof PLUS+ & Suites in Malone is NOT the reason you go. Expect the usual suspects: pre-packaged muffins, instant coffee that tastes vaguely of sadness, maybe some questionable pastries that have seen better days. It's not *awful* in a gross-out-you-can't-eat-it way; it's more... "this reminds me of my college all-you-can-eat cafeteria, but with slightly less enthusiasm." My advice? Pack snacks. Or just embrace the buffet of disappointment and call it a character-building experience.
Is there anything *to do* in Malone, NY? And if so, what's the best way to experience it?
Alright, buddy, you want to *do* stuff? Malone's got… options. It’s a jumping-off point. It's a gateway. You *could* hit up the Franklin County Historical Society, which can be interesting if you're really into… well, history. There's the Wild Center, a natural history museum, which is pretty legit. (I'm not going to lie, I almost ended up being *that* person who was overly-excited to go.) But let's be real: For Me, the best experience is the accidental discovery. That little roadside diner you stumble upon at 3 AM after a long drive. The quirky antique shop run by a woman who only remembers you after the fourth time you’ve visited. The *unexpected*. Malone’s strength lies in the offbeat and the imperfect. Don’t expect perfection, embrace the weird, and don't be afraid to get a little lost. You might accidentally find something truly memorable. And that's what makes it… "unbelievable," in *its* own way.
What should I bring to my Red Roof PLUS+ & Suites adventure? (Besides the Clorox wipes, obviously.)
Ah, the packing list! You're going on an *adventure*, remember! Beyond the essentials (Clorox wipes – DOUBLE DOWN ON THESE!), consider: noise-canceling headphones (trust me), a good book (because, let's be honest, there's probably not a lot of exciting TV), snacks (breakfast is *not* a given), and a healthy dose of optimism (it's going to be fine! Probably). And a backup phone charger. Always. Because you *will* need to call someone to convince yourself that this is, in fact, a vacation and not some weird sociological experiment. Also, a sense of humor. Absolutely crucial. You're going to need it.
Okay, let's get real. Would you actually recommend staying here? Like, *honestly*?
Honestly? It depends. If you're a high-maintenance type who requires luxury and perfection, steer clear. Run. If you're looking for a five-star experience, you’re in the wrong place. BUT, if you're looking for a clean-ish, budget-friendly place to crash while you explore the… unique charms ofHotels With Balconys
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