Baltimore Marriott Inner Harbor: Your Dream Stay Awaits!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into a hotel review. Forget the pristine PR speak; you're getting the unfiltered, slightly caffeinated opinion of yours truly. This isn't just a list of features; this is a journey.
(Metadata & SEO – let's get this over with first, ugh… Hotel Review, [Hotel Name – I'm pretending, so let's just call it "The Grand Fluffernutter"], Accessibility, Wheelchair Accessible, Wi-Fi, Spa, Swimming Pool, Restaurants, Fitness Center, Kid Friendly, Cleanliness, Safety, Covid-19, Non-Smoking, Free Parking, Airport Transfer, Room Service, [Specific Area – e.g., "Downtown Metropolis”], Travel, Vacation, Review, Honest Review, Good and Bad, Quirky, Human, First-Person, etc.)
Right. Now for the fun part.
Let's start with the "thing you actually care about," and let's call it "The Grand Fluffernutter". I mean, come on, the name's already a plus, right? It promises deliciousness even if it’s a scam.
Accessibility – The Road Less Traveled (Sometimes, a Little Too Much)
Okay, look. I'm not using a wheelchair, but I try to be mindful. They claim to be "wheelchair accessible." The good news: the lobby was wide open, elevators gleamed (and worked!), and there was a ramp leading to… something. The bad news: I saw a couple struggling hard with a side entrance that looked… well, let's say it wasn't exactly designed with ease in mind. The path was narrow and the ramp was about as inclined as a rollercoaster. Hmmm.
On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: I didn't personally check for things, but I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt. It's 2024, people. Come on!
Internet – My Digital Addiction's Survival Kit
Thank THE GODS for Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Seriously. I'm a digital nomad, a blogger, a person, okay? I need my connection! The signal was strong, praise be. Internet [LAN] wasn't something I even considered, honestly. Feels a bit 2005 to me. Still, it's there, which is always a plus. And then Internet services like…what? I just want the damn thing.
There were the Wi-Fi in public areas, and trust me, if the room one went down, I'd be the first person down there. I always carry a decent portable charger.
Things to Do – Or, "How I Spent My Vacation Avoiding People"
This is where things got interesting. The Grand Fluffernutter has this whole list.
- Pool with view: Oh HELL yes. This was the highlight. It was an infinity pool, and the view was stunning, overlooking the…well, whatever the "Metropolis" skyline offers, which was pretty damn good. It was a total cliché, but I'm admitting it: I did a photo shoot. Don't judge me.
- Swimming pool [outdoor]: See above. (Different, maybe, but still water… and who am I to complain about extra water?)
- Ways to relax: I needed this.
- Sauna/Spa/Steamroom: (I'm lumping these) I'm a sauna addict. And their sauna was decent. Steamroom was… well, steamy. Spa… let’s just say the massage therapists were professional. And I was so relaxed afterwards that I almost forgot what kind of planet this one was.
- Fitness center/Gym/fitness: I saw it. I considered going. I even put on my running shoes. Then I went back to the pool. (Just being honest.)
- Massage: Okay, so, this. I booked a full body massage. The therapist was a magician. Truly. I went in tense, stressed from the travel and the… well, life. I walked out feeling like a limp noodle. It was so worth it.
- Body scrub/Body wrap/Foot bath: Didn't try these. By then, I was a human puddle of relaxation and self-care.
Cleanliness and Safety – Because, You Know, Life
Okay, this is IMPORTANT. They're clearly trying. And I appreciate that.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Good. Hope it’s working.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: They seemed to be at it all the time.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere. (And it wasn't the sticky kind. Success!)
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Good. Clean sheets are a must.
- Hygiene certification: I hope they did the damn thing.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Yes. Blessedly.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Honestly? Not always followed by the guests, but the staff was on it.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Yep. Felt clean.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: I asked. They said yes. I believed them.
- Safe dining setup: Tables spaced out, staff wearing masks. Good.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Again, hoped for it.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: They absolutely seemed to be.
- Sterilizing equipment: Okay. I have no idea what this looks like. But I'm glad it's there.
More good news:
- CCTV in common areas: You never know if you're being watched, but you can feel a bit safer.
- Exterior corridor: Fine by me.
- Fire extinguisher/Front desk [24-hour]/Safety/security feature/Security [24-hour]/Smoke alarms: All there. All good.
- Non-smoking rooms: YES. Because nothing ruins a vibe like stale smoke.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – The Most Important Part, Obviously
- Restaurants: They had several.
- A la carte in restaurant / Buffet in restaurant: Both. I did both. The a la carte was…fine. The buffet? That was the experience.
- Asian breakfast/Asian cuisine in restaurant: This was surprisingly good. I'm not usually a breakfast person, but the kimchi fried rice was a revelation. And an Asian breakfast is so much better.
- Western breakfast/Western cuisine in restaurant: Fine. Standard hotel stuff.
- Bar: Yes. Well, they had one, next to the pool.
- Poolside bar: Genius. Pure genius.
- Happy hour: Essential.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant/Coffee shop: Needed.
- Desserts in restaurant/Salad in restaurant/Soup in restaurant: All available. Quality varied.
- Room service [24-hour]: Yes. Praise be. (Especially for late-night cravings.)
- Snack bar: Yes.
- Bottle of water: Supplied. Crucial.
- Alternative meal arrangement: I noticed something about the meals.
Services and Conveniences – The Comfort Factor
- Air conditioning in public area/Available in all rooms/Air conditioning: Thank the heavens. Because I am not built for heat.
- Audio-visual equipment for special events/Meeting/banquet facilities/Indoor venue for special events/Outdoor venue for special events/Seminars/Wi-Fi for special events: I neither attended nor organized any.
- Business facilities/Xerox/fax in business center: All available.
- Cash withdrawal/Currency exchange/Safety deposit boxes: All here. Good to know.
- Concierge: Helpful.
- Contactless check-in/out: Nice. Quick. Easy.
- Convenience store/Gift/souvenir shop: They had them. I browsed. (Bought a postcard, naturally.)
- Daily housekeeping: Excellent.
- Doorman: Yep.
- Elevator: Worked.
- Facilities for disabled guests: I mentioned this earlier.
- Food delivery: From outside, so you're not stuck to stuff and it's easy.
- Ironing service/Laundry service/Luggage storage: Essential.
- Invoice provided/Meetings/Meeting stationery: Present.
- On-site event hosting/Proposal spot: Okay. Fine.
- Smoking area: Sigh.
- Terrace: Yes.
- Car park [free of charge]/Car park [on-site]/Car power charging station/Valet parking: They had everything.
- Airport transfer/Taxi service: They arranged all of this. Easy peasy.
For the Kids
- Babysitting service/Family/child friendly/Kids facilities/Kids meal: I, luckily, don't use these.
- There was a kid's pool, I think.
**Available in All Rooms – The Real Nitty
Escape to Luxury: Crowne Plaza Hickory's Unforgettable Getaway
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's travel itinerary. This is going to be a chaotic, probably slightly smelly, and entirely real Baltimore adventure, centered around the hallowed halls (and potentially sticky carpets) of the Baltimore Marriott Inner Harbor at Camden Yards. Let's get this show on the road… or, well, into the hotel.
Baltimore Bonanza: A Messy, Marvelous Itinerary (Maybe) – You've Been Warned
Day 1: Arrival and Mild Panic
1:00 PM: Arrival & Hotel Check-In (and the Dreaded Parking): Okay, first hurdle. Finding the Marriott. I swear, GPS is a liar sometimes. And then… the parking. Is it valet? Self-park? What's the fee? (Secretly hoping for free parking. Wishful thinking, I know). Praying I don't end up in a subterranean labyrinth with a car full of screaming children and a rapidly depleting patience meter.
- An anecdote: Last time I tried a self-park situation in a major city, I swear I wandered around for FORTY-FIVE MINUTES looking for my car. Finally found it. The battery was dead. Ugh.
- Quirky observation: Hotel lobbies are a weird mix of nervous energy and enforced calm. Everyone's silently judging everyone else's luggage choices, I'm sure.
2:00 PM: The Room Reveal & Internal Struggle: Alright, finally! The key card. Will it work? (It never works on the first try, does it?). Praying for a good view. Praying for a clean view. And let's be honest, praying the bed isn't one of those suspiciously lumpy ones.
- Emotional reaction: Pure relief if the room is clean and doesn't smell faintly of stale air and existential dread. Joy if there's a decent coffee machine. Utter despair if it's a noisy room next to the elevator.
3:00 PM: Fumbling for Food (and Avoiding Hangry Meltdown): Lunch is essential. But what to eat? Do I just hit up whatever is right here now? Or do I venture out and deal with the Baltimore traffic? This is where the decision paralysis kicks in. I'm thinking something quick, something… not bad. Maybe a crab cake? Too touristy? Ugh, first world problems.
- Messy Structure: Okay, let's be real. I might have already bought a bag of chips at the gas station. This is not part of the Plan. This is just how things happen.
- Opinionated Language: Seriously, I refuse to believe there isn’t a good casual place nearby. I demand a decent lunch.
4:00 PM: A Casual Stroll (and Attempted Orientation): Time to stretch the legs and get a lay of the land. Inner Harbor is the obvious choice, right? Or should I head toward Camden Yards? Definitely need to buy a souvenir. Maybe I want to go to the Maryland State Aquarium, because… well, why not?
- Rambling: Okay, so the Inner Harbor photos I saw online look beautiful, but… real life is often less Instagram-worthy. There’s always a gaggle tourists, some street performers, and a healthy dose of seagulls. But hey, a seagull could steal my french fries, so that’s interesting.
6:00 PM: Dinner Debacle (Or Delight, Hopefully): Considering a place with a view… or, you know, just someplace. I'ma have another look at the web reviews on restaurant options near Camden Yards.
- Stronger Emotional Reaction: I'm dying for a good meal. Like, a real, delicious, no-regrets kind of meal. This is crucial to the overall enjoyment of the trip!
- Doubling Down: I'm going to triple-check the reviews. Then I'm going to double-check the menus. Then, I'll probably overthink it, pick someplace mediocre, and silently regret my choices.
8:00 PM: Post-Dinner Wind-down: Relaxing in the hotel, watch something on cable, and prepare for the next day.
Day 2: Baseball, Beer, and Baltimore Bliss (Maybe, Possibly)
- 9:00 AM: Rise and Coffee (Crucial): Coffee. MUST HAVE COFFEE. Hopefully, the hotel coffee isn't tragically weak. If so, emergency Starbucks run.
- Minor Category: Hotel Amenities: I should probably also check out the fitness center… but let's be honest, that's unlikely.
- Quirky observation: Hotel rooms are always at the perfect temperature or the total opposite. There is no in-between
- 10:00 AM: Pre-Game Prep: Time to make the most of my day.
- Option 1: Camden Yards Glory: Head to Camden Yards early! Get the full experience! Soak up the atmosphere. Buy a hat. Maybe get some autographs (fat chance, but I can dream).
- Anecdote: One time, at a baseball game, I spilled an entire soda down the back of a guy's head. Mortifying.
- Option 2: Exploring Baltimore: Take a quick trip to Fells Point or Hampden. See the sights.
- Option 1: Camden Yards Glory: Head to Camden Yards early! Get the full experience! Soak up the atmosphere. Buy a hat. Maybe get some autographs (fat chance, but I can dream).
- 12:00 PM: Lunch at the Game (or Somewhere Else): Hot dogs? Nachos piled high? Or something…lighter? Depends how much money I have left after buying a hat.
- 1:00 PM - ? PM: Game Time! CHEERING, SNACKING, HOPING MY TEAM DOESN'T EMBARRASS THEMSELVES (and me).
- Stronger Emotional Reaction: WIN OR LOSE, I'm going to enjoy the heck out of this. Baseball is a sacred thing.
- Doubling Down: I'm going to focus on the details. The crack of the bat. The smell of the grass. The energy of the crowd. This is where I want to be.
- Post-Game Revelry (or Quiet Despair): Depending on the game outcome, post-game could involve jubilant celebrations or a sad, solitary beer at a dive bar. Or maybe ice cream. Comfort food is always a good option.
- 6:00 PM: Nightcap and Reflect: Time to reflect on my baseball-filled day.
- Minor Category: The Hotel Bed: Before bed, take notes. I just want a comfortable place to sleep tonight.
Day 3: Departure and The Aftermath
- 9:00 AM: Last Breakfast and Checkout: Grab that last bit of hotel food. Attempt to leave the room as clean as possible (though, no promises). Check out. Survive the parking situation (again).
- 10:00 AM: Final Souvenir Dash (If Needed): Did I forget something? Gotta make sure I have all the touristy stuff.
- 11:00 AM: Head home
- Emotional Reaction: A mix of sadness that the trip is over and relief that I survived.
- Opinionated Language: Baltimore, you were… well, you were something. I'll be back. Eventually. Maybe.
Important Disclaimers:
- This itinerary is highly flexible and subject to change based on whims, weather, and my overall level of exhaustion.
- May include excessive snack consumption.
- Reader discretion is advised. You might find the level of detail and stream-of-consciousness a bit much. I make zero promises.
- My personal brand of organized chaos will prevail.
Safe travels… and try not to lose your car!
Chino Valley Getaway: Unbeatable Deals at Extended Stay America!
So, like, what *is* this thing we're talking about anyway? The basics, please! (I'm easily confused.)
Alright, alright, settle down, newbie. Let's say, for the sake of argument – and because I haven't actually decided yet what we're talking about – that we're diving headfirst into... **the world's most judgmental hamster wheel class**. (Yeah, I went there. Don't judge me, *you* don't know what it's like to rewrite a whole thing.) Basically, it's this thing where you're expected to run, and everyone is watching, and they have *opinions*. Some are good, some... are not so much. But hey, at least there's a wheel, right? And hopefully, some snacks.
How does it *actually* work? Do I need a tiny treadmill? (I’m picturing something adorable)
Okay, the hamster wheel analogy is… stretching it a bit, I’ll admit. I'm feeling a little lost in the creative desert, here. Let's pretend it's about... a particularly grueling coding boot camp. Yes, that's it. So, yeah, you *do* kind of need a "tiny treadmill" of sorts, metaphorically speaking. Think endless lines of code, debugging nightmares, and the constant feeling of staring into the abyss. It’s less adorable, more… caffeinated. I have *never* gone through it though.
What if I'm, like, *terrible* at this? Seriously, I'm not kidding! Can I still participate?
Oh honey, *everyone* is terrible at it at first. If you weren't terrible, you wouldn't be learning, right? My friend, bless her heart, she signed up for a pottery class and she looked absolutely mortified. I will never forget her face of despair, the clay flying everywhere, and her eventual blob of a "masterpiece". The joy of the day was priceless. So, can you participate? Absolutely! In fact, you are encouraged. Just be prepared to embrace the mess. And maybe bring a good therapist.
Will I be judged? (Pretty sure the answer's yes, but let's be officially dramatic)
Let's be brutally honest, shall we? Yes. You will be judged. It's practically a condition of entry. Look, everyone's judging everyone else, all the time. It's the human condition. But, and this is important, remember why you are in this codding training. Are you in it for your self-improvement? Do you want to make money? Then judge your self-improvement and your bank account more than some other person. The opinions of others are largely irrelevant. And if they aren't, give them a *look*.
What's the best way to get started? Should I just... jump in? (Am I going to die?)
Oh, the age-old question! Jumping in? That's…a valid strategy, I guess. But maybe dip a toe in first. For instance, with the awful coding boot camp situation? I'd recommend some preparatory reading. Like, a lot of it. Tutorials, online courses, the works. Don’t go in cold. That’s how you end up sobbing in the corner, muttering about semicolons in your sleep. The best way to get started is to… start. Small steps. And be prepared to fail gloriously. It's part of the fun, and you know what? It makes the successes that much sweeter. Just remember the snacks. Snacks are crucial.
Are there any shortcuts? (Asking for a friend... who is me)
Listen, I would *love* to tell you about the magical shortcut, the secret to instant mastery, the hidden code that unlocks all the levels. But I'm a realist. Life doesn't work that way. Shortcuts? Yeah, there are a *few*. But mostly, they involve hard work, dedication, and the occasional caffeine-fueled existential crisis. Oh, and networking! Networking is huge. So, no, unfortunately, there is no magical shortcut that will make it all click.
What happens if I give up? Because, let's be real, that's a distinct possibility here.
Well, that's the million-dollar question, isn't it? If you give up? I don't know... you wouldn't finish the course? You'll be on the hamster wheel, still. The world keeps turning. You'll be out of pocket. You might feel a little bit sad, a little bit defeated. But you will also be a little bit wiser. But more importantly? The world will keep on, and you can always try again. Or not! It's your life. The choice is yours. And sometimes, choosing to stop *is* the right choice. But hey, maybe give it a good, honest shot first? Then you can say you tried.
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