Newport Harbor Hotel: Your Dream RI Getaway Awaits!
Newport Harbor Hotel: My Dream RI Getaway… or a Flop Worth a Laugh? (A Rambling Review)
Okay, buckle up, because this isn't your typical glossy hotel review. I'm gonna spill the tea, the clam chowder, and maybe even a few tears about my recent stay at the Newport Harbor Hotel. The brochure promised a "Dream RI Getaway," and honestly, sometimes I think I'm living in a dream… a slightly chaotic, often hilarious, occasionally frustrating one. So, here we go!
(SEO & Metadata Alert! I'll try to squeeze in the relevant keywords, promise!)
Keywords: Newport Harbor Hotel, Newport Rhode Island, RI Getaway, Accessible Hotel, Spa, Pool, Restaurant, Cleanliness, COVID-19 Safety, Rooms, Amenities, Review, Travel, Vacation.
Accessibility: The Struggle is Real (But Mostly Good!)
Alright, let's kick things off with the nitty-gritty. Accessibility is HUGE for me, and honestly, the Newport Harbor Hotel did a pretty decent job. They advertise facilities for disabled guests, and I saw evidence of that – ramps, elevators, etc. Finding the entrance, however, well, that was an adventure in itself. It involved me yelling at my GPS, which is a daily occurrence.
The elevator was a godsend, thank the heavens above. Navigation was good once inside the main areas.
(Messy Structure Alert! I'm jumping around, deal with it!)
Rooms: Cozy Chaos (And a Killer View, Seriously!)
The rooms themselves? Ah, the rooms! Let's start with the good: the view. Holy moly, that harbor view was breathtaking. Worth the price of admission alone (maybe). I had one of the non-smoking rooms, which was a necessity - if I smell a cigarette, I'm going to be very unhappy. I had a mirror to get fancy and it was clean yay!! They offered Complimentary tea, but if you want coffee, you are sadly out of luck.
The private bathroom was clean and functional. They offered slippers! I'm a sucker for slippers, it's the small things. The bathrobes were soft and comfy. The bathtub looked inviting! And the extra-long bed was fantastic.
Now, the not-so-great: the internet access – wireless (Wi-Fi [free]) was a bit patchy at times. Seriously, I'm a digital nomad and I need a stable connection. And I wanted to work! But hey, sometimes forced relaxation is good, right? The desk, sadly, wasn't the most inspiring workspace.
There was an in-room safe box, which is always a plus. The alarm clock made me panic at 6 AM.
Things to Do (Or, How I Spent My Vacation):
- Pool: The swimming pool [outdoor] was lovely, although getting a spot with a view was competitive (towel-toting gladiators, I tell ya!). The pool with a view was fantastic. I was able to relax!!
- Spa: I needed a spa day. I mean, needed. And the Newport Harbor Hotel delivered. The Spa was wonderful. They had a sauna and a steamroom. Unfortunately I didn't venture through the spa but I heard it was delightful!!
(Rambling Alert! Prepare for Side Quests!)
Okay, so I got a bit carried away with the spa. I mean, a massage is basically therapy in disguise, right? The body scrub made me feel like a new human (or at least, a less-crusty version).
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Fuel for Adventure (and Occasional Disappointment)
Let's talk food. Crucial. Restaurants, you're my friends. There were several restaurants to choose from on-site. They boasted Asian cuisine in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant. so I had options!
- Breakfast: The breakfast [buffet] was decent. The Asian breakfast was too odd. They also offered Breakfast takeaway service.
- I had a lovely afternoon at the Poolside bar.
- There was a Coffee shop, which I frequented.
- Lunch: I had plenty of salad in restaurant, and the soup in restaurant was surprisingly yum.
- Dinner: I experienced some Desserts in restaurant, and all the food was good!
(Opinionated Language Alert! Here Comes the Judgement!)
Now, let's be honest. The service at times could be… uneven. Sometimes, it felt like I was bothering them by even asking for a glass of water. Other times, the staff were absolutely lovely. It's a gamble, folks. Embrace the chaos.
(Back to Reality… and Safety!)
Cleanliness and Safety: COVID-19 and Beyond
Okay, this is important. I was genuinely impressed with their COVID-19 precautions. They were serious. Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer everywhere, and the staff wore masks without complaint. The rooms sanitized between stays, the Staff trained in safety protocol, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items. They even had Individually-wrapped food options. It felt reassuring. Sure, the world feels a little sterile sometimes, but I'm willing to trade that for safety. They also had a Doctor/nurse on call.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things
They had your usual suspects: concierge, daily housekeeping, doorman, dry cleaning, etc. They had a convenience store. Nothing to write home about, but good to have. I really loved that they provided a bottle of water!
(Back to the Randomness!)
For the Kids (and the Kid in You):
I didn't bring any kids with me. Unfortunately I couldn't use the babysitting service. They have kids facilities and Kids meal.
Getting Around: What About the Parking?!
They have Car park [free of charge]! Hallelujah! Airport transfer was available.
The Verdict: Would I Go Back?
Honestly? Maybe. The Newport Harbor Hotel is a mixed bag. It's not perfect. It has its quirks, its inconsistencies, and the occasional minor meltdown (mostly on my part). But the location is fantastic, the harbor view is stunning, and the spa… oh, the spa. It's a place where you can find yourself, have some food, and rest in a lovely location. So, yes, I'd probably go back. Just, you know, with a slightly lower expectation and a healthy dose of humor. After all, life's too short for boring vacations, right? And now, if you'll excuse me, I need another cup of that complimentary tea.
(Final SEO Note: This review is long, messy, and hopefully, helpful. I tried to hit those keywords while still being, well, me. Now go forth and book that dream RI getaway… or at least, a semi-dreamy one!)
Escape to Appleton: Howard Johnson's Unexpected Charm!
Alright, hold onto your… well, whatever you're holding onto. Because we're about to dive headfirst into a hot mess of a Newport, Rhode Island trip, courtesy of the Newport Harbor Hotel & Marina. Buckle up, buttercups.
The Newport Debacle: My "Luxury" Escape (Emphasis on the Quotes)
Day 1: Arrival and the Unexpected Seagull Assault
- 1:00 PM: Arrive at T.F. Green Airport. Okay, good start. Luggage retrieval was surprisingly smooth. Score! That is until I realized I'd left my noise-canceling headphones on the plane. Sigh. Already a bad omen, perhaps?
- 2:30 PM: Check into the Newport Harbor Hotel & Marina. The lobby… it's nice. Like, really nice. Think tasteful nautical decor and a vaguely pretentious air. I'm already feeling slightly inadequate in my slightly-wrinkled jeans. The room? Decent. Balcony overlooking the harbor, which is undeniably pretty. But the rug… it looks like a crime scene. I'm not sure what's been spilled on it, but I am choosing to ignore it.
- 3:00 PM: Attempt to enjoy said balcony. My mission: sip fancy iced tea, read a book, and channel my inner zen. Reality? Immediately ambushed by seagulls. These birds are like feathered ninjas, dive-bombing the balcony, squawking incessantly, and eyeing my tea like it's a delicious treasure. They were so aggressive! It was a full-blown Hitchcockian nightmare. I survived, but my zen? Gone. Poof. Vanished like a magician's assistant.
- 4:00 PM: Decide to explore the hotel. The gym is surprisingly well-equipped. I spend a solid hour trying not to make eye contact with the overly-toned people on the treadmills. The pool? Beautiful, but the water is FREEZING. I stick my toe in and immediately retract it. "Nope."
- 6:00 PM: Dinner at the hotel restaurant, The Pineapple Club. Honestly, the food was… okay. Nothing to write home about, but at least I didn't get seagull-bombed. The cocktails, however, were divine. I may have had a few too many. The waiter was incredibly patient with my drunken ramblings about the seagull invasion.
- 8:00 PM: Stumble back to the room. The crime scene rug is still there. Decide to watch some terrible reality TV. Pass out immediately.
Day 2: Mansion Mania and a Near-Disaster
- 9:00 AM: Wake up feeling slightly regretful about the cocktails. Order room service. The coffee is lukewarm. Of course.
- 10:00 AM: Head to the famed Newport mansions. The Breakers, Marble House… the opulence is staggering. I'm talking gold-plated everything, ridiculous amounts of space, and more chandeliers than I've seen in my entire life. It's fascinating, in a "I'll never be able to afford this" kind of way. I spend a good 30 minutes just gawking at the sheer extravagance.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch at a crowded cafe downtown. Overpay for a lukewarm lobster roll. Am I starting to see a pattern here?
- 1:00 PM: The Cliff Walk! Finally, some fresh air and actual exercise. The views are spectacular, the ocean breeze… bliss. However, I almost meet my maker when a rogue wave nearly sweeps me into the Atlantic. I'm gripping the rocks for dear life, screaming like a banshee. Luckily, a very nice (and very attractive) man pulls me to safety. I'm grateful, but also mortified. My hair is a mess, my face is red, and I probably look like a drowned rat. Maybe I should stick to indoor activities. Or, you know, stay away from the ocean altogether.
- 3:00 PM: Retail therapy on Thames Street. I buy a ridiculously overpriced nautical-themed scarf I'll probably never wear. Ah, the joys of impulsive purchasing.
- 6:00 PM: Decide to "dress up" for dinner. This involves changing out of my slightly-wrinkled jeans and into a different pair of slightly-wrinkled jeans. Dinner at Clarke Cooke House. The vibe is exactly what you’d expect: elegant, expensive, and filled with people who definitely have their lives together. The food, again, is fine, but I spill red wine all over myself. It's a disaster from start to finish, with a high potential to be humiliated.
- 8:00 PM: Stumble back to the room, vow to invest in better-quality wine and a stain-resistant wardrobe. Collapse into bed. Realize I forgot to brush my teeth. Sigh.
Day 3: A Wild Goose Chase and a Final, Beautiful Sunset
- 9:00 AM: Wake up, slightly less hungover. Room service coffee is still lukewarm. I'm starting to suspect this is Newport’s secret weapon.
- 10:00 AM: Decide to take a harbor cruise. It sounds idyllic, right? Wrong. The boat is overcrowded, the tour guide drones on endlessly, and I spend the entire time battling a swarm of… you guessed it… SEAGULLS! They're back! They're relentless! They want my snack! I retreat to the cabin and stare miserably out the window.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch at a random cafe, hoping to find food that is hot, but get stuck in a lengthy conversation with the barista about the best coffee shops in the world. Never find any good food.
- 1:00 PM: I'm done fighting the world. Head back to the hotel. Decide to do nothing. Absolutely, positively nothing.
- 3:00 PM: Sit on my balcony. The seagulls are miraculously absent. I actually manage to read my book. It is truly a moment of zen.
- 6:00 PM: Have one last dinner at The Pineapple Club. The food is still mediocre. I’m starting to wonder about myself.
- 7:30 PM: Go to the hotel restaurant and get a good seat at the bar. Order a pineapple drink. I’m finally at peace.
- 8:00 PM: Watch a gorgeous sunset over the harbor. The sky is painted in shades of orange, pink, and purple. It's truly breathtaking. Maybe, just maybe, this trip wasn't a complete disaster after all. The seagull attacks are probably a good story to tell.
- 9:00 PM: Pack. Decide to fly home the next day. Leave the crime scene rug for the next unlucky guest.
Final Thoughts:
Newport, you are beautiful, but you are also challenging. I've endured lukewarm coffee, near-drowning experiences, seagull attacks, and countless moments of awkwardness. But amidst all the chaos, I found a few moments of joy, a stunning sunset, and a newfound appreciation for my own resilience. Would I come back? Perhaps. But next time, I'm investing in a seagull-proof shield and a lifetime supply of good coffee. And maybe, just maybe, I'll get those noise-canceling headphones. And I'll try to find a place where the food doesn't make me want to weep.
This luxurious trip was a mess. But it was my mess. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. (Except maybe a week in a resort without seagulls).
Unbelievable Malone, NY Getaway: Red Roof PLUS+ & Suites Awaits!
Newport Harbor Hotel: Your Dream RI Getaway? Let's Get Real (and Sometimes Retch)
Okay, so, is the Newport Harbor Hotel *actually* dreamy? Or just Instagram-dreamy?
Room service: Worth it, or should I just Uber Eats it?
About the Pool: Is it actually a pool, or a glorified bathtub?
Parking: A nightmare? A mild inconvenience? Or a surprisingly breezy experience?
What about the bar? Is it a fun place to grab a drink?
Is it truly a "boutique" hotel experience? And should I care?
Okay, be honest: Would you stay there again?
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